The Element of Communication: Listening
26 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: How Does Massage Therapy Work?, Massage Certification California, Massage School California, Massage Training Resources, The Benefits of Massage
If you are talking to a person and they are not listening then there isn’t good rapport, and there isn’t good communication. If you are silent, and looking into a person’s eyes, there is a lot you can say to each other through non-verbal communication. So, we can say that communication is impossible without listening, but possible without talking.
When a therapist greets a client with care, and then listens to a client with curiosity, the client feels safe, and real communication begins. Once the massage starts, the therapist “listens” to the person’s body (especially the breath), and “responds” with touch that is enjoyable and relaxing. This kind of listening and responding is how a therapist communicates with a client non-verbally.
An interesting way to think about the non-verbal communication that happens during a massage is to think of it as a verbal interaction. Gently touching the client for the first time, the therapist’s hands say, “I care.” Then, without moving or very much pressure, the therapists hands say, “I’m listening.” When the client breathes, the client is saying, “I’m relaxing now.” And when the therapist’s hands respond by sinking into the exhale, that clearly says, “I’m listening to your breath, and working with your relaxation.” A very meaningful conversation is happening.
To practice communication as a student, it is good to start by practicing listening. Listening starts with present moment awareness. If you are not aware of the present moment, then it is totally impossible to listen.
Next, practice open listening – assessment. When someone is talking to you, remind yourself to look into their eyes, with care and curiosity. Be sure to actually listen to what people are saying. So often, while one person is talking, the other person is already formulating what they want to say, and not actively listening. See what it is like to consider what the other person is saying as being much more important than what you want to say next.
Another common thing people do is to always talk about their own experience, instead of being curious about the other person’s experience. When someone is talking to you, and they are talking about their experience or what they are thinking, make a conscious effort to become curious and ask them about the details of their experience that interest you. For example, if your friend is talking about the time she spent riding horses on the beach yesterday, instead of saying, “Oh, yeah, I love riding horses. I used to ride show horses when I was a teenager,” you ask, “Do you ever just let your horse run free on the beach without you?” By continuing to talk with them about their experience, you are non-verbally saying, “I am interested, and I care.” That is real communication.
To practice communication, listen to everyone, and try asking questions, instead of talking about yourself and your opinions.
